USWNT Olympic Preview
This subheader is the only time I'll mention Alex Morgan
It’s the Fourth of July, and the only thing I feel like celebrating about America is its women’s sports. So today we’re going to talk about the USWNT Olympic squad.
This is a writing newsletter, not a soccer one, so I’m not going to talk about soccer. I’m going to get you excited about the characters. I’ll go through the roster in order of my least favorite to favorite players, and tell you all the juiciest goss. What are my rankings based on? Vibes.
Here’s the overarching narratives to be aware of:
The US is coming off of their worst World Cup performance of all time. It’s been generally acknowledged that the old coach, Vlatko Andonovski, screwed it all up for them. And also that the rest of the world “caught up” to the US, giving them stiffer competition than they’ve ever faced before.
I think both of these narratives are fairly bogus. First of all, the US didn’t win a World Cup between 1999 and 2015. It’s not like we were always THAT dominant. I don’t think people give the ’15 and ’19 squads enough credit for being unbelievably excellent in their own right. Yes, Spain is very good right now, and will probably win the Olympics, but that doesn’t mean they’ve “caught up” per se. Teams ebb and flow, and that’s soccer. Maybe this is the equivalent of me saying that there’s not man-made global warming, but I don’t think so.
The other thing to keep in mind about Vlatko’s pretty terrible coaching, is that ALL OF THE GOOD PLAYERS WERE INJURED. It was WILD how many players were not fit for that World Cup. We basically took a B team.
But we’re back, ba-by!! We’ve got Mal, Macario, and Davidson back, and believe me, that makes a world of difference.
We’ve also got Emma Hayes as our new manager, who coached Chelsea to greatness. She’s coming in a little late due to finishing up with Chelsea, but I’m excited to see what impact she’ll have.
The program has taken a pretty big confidence hit, and we probably won’t win gold, but our young team is full of hot hot hot talent, and I think they should be pretty exciting to watch if they can get their heads right.
Onto the players! Ranked in order of least to most favorite.
18. Korbin Albert
I’ll start by saying that Korbin Albert is twenty years old, and that when I was twenty years old, I was an idiot. However, this woman liked and shared some pretty horrifying anti-LGBTQ social media, and even liked a post from someone stating they were glad Rapinoe got injured in her last game. She’s apologized, and the team seems to have moved on, but this is something to keep an eye on in terms of locker room chemistry. I know Sam Mewis has called for Albert to be more public with her progress on this, and I mostly agree, but I’m trying to trust the team to take care of it. Tierna, Cat, and Sonnett are grown women who sure as hell can advocate for themselves. I don’t know, though. If this happened at my job I’d feel like it was a pretty hostile work environment.
17. Mallory Swanson
For the record, there’s a very steep line between Albert and the rest of the team in terms of me liking them. Mal Swanson née Pugh (which was way more fun, because when she scored we could go PUGH PUGH PUGH), is a clinical scorer. She had a terrible injury before the World Cup, and honestly, part of me was kind of glad to see her go, because I felt that even though she scored often, she was selfish. I was wrong! She’s worked on her game since her return, and now gels really well with the other new starting forwards, and I’m excited she’s back. She’s part of a sport power couple, married to MLB player Dansby Swanson. However, I don’t think she got vaccinated in the summer of ‘21. I’m just not that into her!
16. Trinity Rodman
I know Trinity is a fan favorite, and you might be surprised to see her so low on my list. But she also chose not to get vaxxed in the summer of 21, and recently made some comments in an interview that were more supportive of Albert than her queer teammates, so she’s number sixteen for me. If you didn’t already know, she’s Dennis Rodman’s daughter, which is absolutely fascinating. She’s also absurd at soccer. She’s part of the new, extremely fast, extremely dangerous starting forward line of Mal, Sophia, and herself. I don’t know that she’s fully cooked yet, but she’s only twenty-two and I can’t wait to see what she does. It’s possible she will have one of those tournaments that make her an instant legend. It’s also very important to note that she is dating someone also named Trinity right now.
15. Lindsay Horan
Sigh, Lindsay Horan, team captain. Look. Lindsay is good at soccer. She’s big and solid. She plays in Europe, which has a certain cache. She’s decent at distributing the ball. The entire USWNT is built around her. I think she’s…fine? I don’t think she’s that good, but I see that we don’t have that many other solid choices for her type of player in midfield. We can’t have all Rose Lavelles. In the 2019 World Cup, Lindsay and Sam Mewis were competing for the same position, and it became clear throughout the tournament that Mewis was the far superior option. Sam and Rose worked together so well, and Sam was way more of a scoring threat than Horan was. There was a point when Sam was scoring most of our goals. And then Sam’s knee gave out, and now we’re left with Horan. So Sorry Lindsay, I will always think of you as a cut rate Sam Mewis. Wow, that was very mean. But Lindsay Horan also called American fans “dumb” in a recent interview, so I said what I said.
14. Casey Murphy
I don ’t really know that much about Casey Murphy! She will be the backup keeper for Naeher. She’s the goalkeeper for the Courage. She married her college sweetheart recently. I think she’s a pretty good goalie! She should probably be starting. That’s it! Her social media presence is mostly soccer. That’s why she comes in at fifteen, because that’s all I know about her!
13. Alyssa Naeher
Alyssa is a strange figure. She was the backup keeper for Hope Solo for a long time. She has a World Cup title for 2015, but Solo played every minute of that tournament. Then, when Solo retired, Naeher became the top choice, but had almost no experience for the national team. It was an awkward situation, and I was expecting the team to move on to a younger keeper, but they did not. I had absolutely no faith in Naeher. Every time she even came near the ball, I felt nervous. She looked nervous herself! But then she won the 2019 World Cup. I couldn’t believe it, but she did. She has somehow remained the #1 goalkeeper ever since. I’ve always felt that this was such a weird accident. But then recently, she has saved an enormous amount of PKs, and many people feel that she even saved the PK that got Sweden through in the 2023 World Cup. Alyssa is also quiet and intense, and has a twin. She is a long-time team veteran that I love to love-hate!
12. Casey Krueger
It is so cool that Casey made this roster. First of all, she’s a parent, and that’s awesome. Her son is one month older than my daughter, and she’s a freaking Olympian. All I do is write this newsletter. She’s bounced around the NWSL and has been solid for years. She’s 33 years old and her making this roster is a testament to her years and years and years of hard work.
11. Emily Fox
Emily Fox is a very, very solid outside back. She’s got good attacking up the left side, and I feel RELIEVED that she is on our team. I remember when she got her first cap under the old old coach Jill Ellis- she was terrible. And look at her now! I honestly don’t know that much about her personal life, but she’s so solid that I feel comfort every time I see her name. Go Foxy!!
10. Jenna Nighswonger
Jenna is a very fresh face on the USWNT. She was a decorated collegiate midfielder, and then got drafted to Gotham with the number four pick. They converted her to a defender and she won Rookie of the Year last year and is going to be a mainstay for the national team. She’s on Gotham, so naturally I think she’s amazing, and she gives me the same types of feelings that Foxy does: relief! Phew! I miss Becky, but I’m so glad we have such solid defenders back there.
9. Sophia Smith
We’re getting into the really big guns here. Soph is so likable. She’s only twenty-three, but she’s an unbelievable goal-scorer when she’s on. At the World Cup, with everyone and their mother injured, there was so much pressure piled up onto her, and it showed. She also likes to play in the same spot as another famous forward (okay, so I mentioned Alex Morgan once, please forgive me for lying in my subheader), so she was forced into some unnatural positions. But that issue seems to have taken care of itself, she’s on a hot streak, and just got engaged to her boyfriend. It was apparently a surprise engagement, but she was also, like, in a full wedding dress for the photos, so I hope she explains that to us someday. She also likes reading, which is cool. We need her to have an amazing tournament, and I think she will.
8 Tierna Davidson
Ugh, Tierna is the best. She plays for Gotham now, so full disclosure, I love her more. But she was the natural successor to Becky, and I am also so calmed by her presence. It was very unfortunate that she missed the World Cup due to injury. She had a pretty shaky return, but she’s looking good now and will assume her rightful position next to Naomi as the other center back. She’s also engaged to her long-time girlfriend. She went to Stanford just like Sophia (two engaged Cardinals! Fun!) and at age 25 seems to be mature beyond her years. I’ve listened to her speak so eloquently in interviews about never really “coming out” and always having the opportunity to be herself…she’s so cool.
7. Jaedyn Shaw
Jaedyn Shaw is only nineteen years old and I already love her. Her story is amazing. Her mom quit her job and started a t-shirt business to support Jaedyn’s soccer career. Their family of four lived in a one bedroom apartment to make it work. She also came up playing futsal, a type of indoor soccer, with boys. I think it contributes to her absolutely beastliness on the field. She can be a holding mid, she can be a striker, she’s amazing and I’m so glad she made the roster.
6. Sam Coffey
Sam Coffey is very good at soccer. I know very little about her personal life. I just love the way she wears her shirt tucked into her shorts, always. It’s adorable. She seems really nice because of that? Yes, I am genuinely giving Sam Coffey the number six spot on here because of her shorts. She also plays the six, and is very, very good at it. She was recently injured, so here’s hoping she’s ok for the tournament. She’s going to be the glue of this team.
5. Emily Sonnett
If you listened to my podcast ever, you know that I do not rate Sonnett as a soccer player. But that’s does’t mean I don’t love her. She is the class clown of the team. Always joking, extremely goofy. I think she must be great for the locker room, because I don’t understand how she keeps making the roster on talent alone. She’s constantly making bad passes and doesn't even look natural when she’s on the pitch. It was a testament to how bad the injuries were at the World Cup that Vlatko almost fixed the team by building a double pivot around Sonnett as the six. I love Sonnett most of all because she’s a testament to the fact that you should always try to pursue your dreams- so much of success in this life is luck.
4. Rose Lavelle
Look, everyone loves Rose Lavelle, and it’s easy to see why. She is sick at soccer, in a very cool way. She’s the icing on the cake; she’s all that jazz. Her ball skills are incredible, and she has vision for the ages. Yes, she’s a delicate flower and is injured most of the time. But when she’s on, it’s magic. She also has a very quiet personality. Rose loves her dog Wilma, and she seems kind of…hapless to me? In a very charming way. It’s like so much of her life is soccer she doesn’t have room for much else. I love Rose, we all love Rose. No surprises here.
3. Naomi Girma
Another Stanford girl who is only twenty-four, and she’s already captaining this team. She and Julie were SO SO SOLID in the World Cup. Naomi is just dependability incarnate. She’s so calm, so smart. I love her. Her parents are from Ethiopia, and she grew up playing with boys in her neighborhood. When she got her first call up, her mother told them no because she thought that people were trying to kidnap her. She’s just so charming. I’m so excited for her to be a solid part of this team for the next decade or so.
2. Crystal Dunn
Oh man, this is getting really hard. Crystal Dunn is simply the best. First of all, she has a son Marcel who is also just one month older than Maeve. She raises chickens. Her husband is French. She lives in New Jersey. Plays for Gotham. Best dancer on the team. And OH YEAH, SHE’S THE BEST AT SOCCER. This woman can do anything. She was turned into a defender for the national team and crushed it. When she got left off the 2015 Word Cup roster, she won the golden boot in the NWSL. Then she won the World Cup in 2019. She had a baby, and came back. I’m not sure her defensive skills have been as good as they were; she’s lost a little speed. But that doesn’t matter because she has incredible soccer IQ and vision, and I am PUMPED that she was named a forward for this squad. Crystal can do anything, and she is one of my personal role models, even though I am older than her.
1. Catarina Marcio
MACARIOOOOO!!!!!! I am such a Macario fan. She is juuuuust back from a terrible ACL injury, so it’s unclear exactly where she’s at physically. But I have faith that she can be the Pele of women’s soccer. I think she is the most creative, most exciting, most innately talented player that we’ve seen in more than a generation. I really, really hope her injury won’t hold her back, because I believe that Macario is the player to build the team around, and the one that has the potential to lead us to victory. Also, she’s just adorable and apparently a joy off the field. She could have played for Brazil or the US, and I’m so happy she chose us. She’s also in the Stanford crew- though so far, no engagement to her long-time girlfriend. Let’s hope I’m right, and she leads us all the way to the final!
I’ve been traveling and wanted to come back here to say that I loved this post and it made me very nostalgic for your podcast! And also it sucks about Macario but I’m happy for Lynn Williams!
Love this breakdown