Writers Are Awkward

And that's why we're writers

I was once walking around Brooklyn with my friend. I mean this specifically and generally. I was literally on a walk, and also my life was once in a perpetual state of “walking around Brooklyn with my friend.” That was a fun season.

Ah, youth

This newsletter is about a literal time I was taking a walk with my friend Em. I no longer remember where we were coming from or going. It may have just been one of those nice long walks one takes with friends when you’re in a city without too many responsibilities.

I remember the conversation itself perfectly. We were talking about writing. I wanted to be a writer.

Em was a writer. She’d been a writer since she was (even) younger, writing compulsively in journals. One of our mutual friends was applying to MFA programs, and Em was bold enough to bet him that she would write a book before he did. I remember thinking she had such courage when she made the bet. She was more confident than someone going to a fancy MFA program???  In my head I was thinking, “I’d also love to write a book guys!” But I wouldn’t dare say that aloud.

Since Em was such a confident writer, I unburdened myself to her.

“I don’t know if I can write stories, because I feel like I fundamentally don’t understand people. I never understand why other people do the things they do, or how I’m supposed to act around other people.”  I really felt that writers were such keen observers of human behavior, and my awkward ass would never be able to wrangle the human psyche onto the page.

Em nodded. “I heard someone say once that writers become writers because they don’t understand people. They write to figure them out.”

I have Googled this every which way, and cannot find anyone who has actually said this. I don’t know if Em really heard this once, or if she made it up to make me feel better, but that sentence gave me hope.

I still think about this all the time.  Are writers really writers because we’re bad at people?

I was at dinner with a friend last night, and she brought this up, not knowing I was writing about it! She’s a journalist, and she mentioned how many journalists are awkward people. Looking at a topic through an unusual lens is what makes a good story. She felt that being a little bit strange or awkward can make you good at getting the scoop.

The same applies for folks doing fiction, I believe. It has taken me a very long time to not feel anxious about my interactions with other people. The reason this was so hard, for so long, I think, was precisely because I am a writer! When I meet someone new, this is what I really want to ask them: “So, who are you? Where were you born? What did your parents do and how did they treat you? Where are you going? What was the last thing you ate? Are you in love with anyone right now? Do you believe in God? Where is your shirt from?”

If you ask someone this, you are weird!!  Writers are awkward because we want to have deeper conversations. Have you ever met a very good yet uncurious writer? I haven’t. I’d be very interested to meet one though!

One of the best things about being a seasoned writer now, is that it truly has made me better at people. Not perfect- it’s always a process. But the very thing Em predicted came to pass- my practice of writing has made me see others with new eyes:

• We’re all stuck in our own heads. Knowing this is key to making characters work. Knowing this also helps me center myself socially- I’m just a bit player in everyone else’s conversations, and that takes the pressure off.

• Everyone, truly everyone, has an interesting story in them, which has made me way less snobby.

• And everyone has their own wants and needs and parents who made them the way they are. Being a writer has given me so much more empathy.

I don’t know if Em remembers telling me this or not. I bet she doesn’t. But I’m grateful. If she hadn’t, I might not have kept going, and had the opportunity to become a better person through my craft.

Do you think writers are usually awkward? Do you write to figure out other people? Has anything anyone ever said to you about your craft that stuck in your head?